Have been slightly overwhelmed recently. The feeling that things are going on in a totally unexpected manner… pleasantly unexpected though. Have been thinking a lot, just thinking. Some general thoughts in no particular order:
- The first time I got smashed, that is the uncontrollable blabbering smashed, was one of the greatest things to happen in my life. I strongly suspect half these prophets got their ‘revelations’ after a triple absinthe and coke. That time when you get that Fuck You attitude, that time when you start thinking so what, that time when you feel It doesn’t matter.
- This leads to my new found philosophy in life: (Please note, all these are not original more like a collection of my favourite lines from various movies, I guess mostly from Trainspotting or Fight Club)
- You are not the money you make, You are not the car you own, You are not the school/college you went to, You are not the chick you bang etc. You are simply the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world. It doesn’t matter, you were crap, organic matter, into which life was induced for some reason, some reason and that life shall be taken away again for some reason, if any. So we are propelled into an essence- less existence. But what makes this fundamentally pointless journey meaningful are the two great gifts we have: intellect and sexuality. So concentrate and satiate either one or both, things should fall into place.
- Middle class parents pile up too much pressure on their children nowadays. I feel this is an expression of insecurities induced by the widening inequalities in
. It is like if you miss out now, you are fucked son, so bust your ass out. I have this gnawing fear that increasing inequalities is going to be the biggest problem for the next generation in India . India
- Pain at the correct times can be SO pleasurable. Nothing new in this, but I am starting to experience all these only now. I love that occasional drinking binge, a binge just to puke out everything you have ever eaten. The constant throbbing in the head the next morning, the pain in your stomach give a different dimension to life. That lingering feeling of nausea… then you eat and puke one last time… go to sleep, that helpless feeling… and get up. It is like starting life afresh.
- I also love to create that “Copy of a Copy of a Copy” feeling that Edward Norton talks about in Fight Club. Purposely go without sleep, induce insomnia, wreck your sleeping pattern, then when you walk around, you suddenly zone out, you are in a conversation, suddenly not, you are seeing equations on the board, then suddenly you see the sheep game… this seamless blending of reality and subconscious – one word… beautiful.
- A friend spoke about this… Get up early in the morning say 4 AM, even though you have slept late, waste time till 6-7, watch a movie, eat, then a slow numbness will begin to set in… curl into a couch with a book and you will feel sleep take over you… the sweet numbness spreading to all parts of the body… Bliss!