Sunday, September 28, 2008
But now, I hear the word used so often, it just sounds boring. It is not shocking any more. I think a world with lesser "Fuck" usage (but not lesser fucking mind you) would be a better one. Or am I getting old?
Monday, September 08, 2008
I cannot believe it! She agreed to my proposal! I cannot believe that I am going to marry the one whom I have been wooing so ardently for the last year. I am besotted by this woman and so intoxicated by her that I have not touched a drop of alcohol since I met her.
I must be the luckiest man on earth!
When I looked at myself this morning, a troubling thought struck me. While my lady-love looks like a Nordic Goddess, I look like her pall bearer! I am short and of a dusky complexion. While I was earlier proud of my perfect teeth, I just realized that in the night they are like the headlights of a vehicle.
The complexion cream Handsome&Handsome(TM) that I sell so well, does not work on me! I am overwhelmed by these thoughts. This has led to poor performance at work. I failed to sell a comb to a balding man! Will this union last? How do I make it work?
My friends think I am the luckiest man on earth. Little do they know the turmoil inside me. I have been thinking and I guess I am a victim of my own success! My job as a salesman requires me to understand my consumer’s psyche and exploit that. At the risk of sounding immodest, I must admit that I am one of the best. Did I just sell myself to her as if I were an insurance policy? Is this relationship based on love or does she think I am a "great deal"?
I have also been plagues by doubts on my performance. I feel inadequate and repulsive. Oh Gawd Help me!
It has been three months since our marriage and just as I had feared my performance has not been up to the mark. I can feel her losing interest in me. I do not like the way she talks to my friends, she speaks too much to them. Does she tell them of my shortcomings? Recently, I have been noticing that she has been extra attentive of the gardener boy. Must fire him soon. I am a traveling salesman and I am out most of the time. I get nightmares of being father to a b***tard son. Should I end this marriage?
Dear Dear Diary,
I had the loveliest new year’s day I have ever had. My resourceful and intelligent wife figured out the solution to my problem. Just as we were lying on our backs after another frustrating attempt the other day, she spotted the picture of my parents in my bedroom which funnily lies in my direct line of vision. She removed it and seduced me yesterday and I must say I roared like a lion. Funny how small things can affect life so much. Anyway, must run, and guess I won’t be talking to you for a while. (giant smiley)