Monday, January 26, 2009

We've Had Some Letters*

Dear Middler,

I have been following your blog regularly, though, even I do not know why. The blogs are long and rambling. The sentences are jerky and have too many commas. In addition to that you choose to inflict upon us some "art". Despite that I follow you, because like me, you too like to start sentences with "Basically". (Psst... Are you Tam-Brahm?)

I beg to ask a question. I find it difficult to maintain a sunny disposition. I feel blue whenever I think of myself. How is that you cope with the existential dilemmas that come upon one like waves on the shore that leave only to return?

Feeling Blue
Male, Dustbin near Independence Park

Dear FB,

I am touched by your insightful letter. Basically, the fact that you observe so much indicates either a) you are an astute observer or b) you really ought to find a job. Anyway, coming to your problem many people think alcohol is a way out of the blues. I would advise otherwise. I used to resort to alcohol once. Yes, in the good old days, when I did not know of things better, I used to swig Old Monk with Pepsi a la rickshaw-puller, as I did my homework. But, I do find a definite correlation between developing what is cutely called a "traffic police mama paunch" and the perusal of alcohol. Ergo, with much sadness I have cut down on the habit. (sigh)

In the absence of -OH beverages, what then are the options? If you can read this blog, you can access the internet. Hence I recommend Youtube videos of the kind below to "beat 'em blues".

Exhibit A

(I got this video through Raghav :))

Of course, before you cluck your tongue in disapproval, you must know that I believe, in the manner of Bertrand Rusell, that the intellect while giving man many advantages gives one singular disadvantage; it makes him anticipate sadness and when that sadness transpires he still, paradoxically, feels sad though one would expect him to feel happy for having anticipated that sadness. Hence, when negative thoughts enter, I resort to means that drain the blood from my head to judiciously allocate it to other parts of that body that may use it more fruitfully. Seeing the wholesome goodness of two babes cavorting away to a kuntry song in itsy-bitsy clothes is indeed the meaning of life. (Tears of Joy)

It is said that Nayanthara visited her tailor and gave an order for a dress. By mistake her kerchief slipped out. When she came to collect the dress, she found that the tailor had made the dress out of the kerchief and such was his honesty he also gave some bit of the cloth that was unused.

Thanks for writing in. Not that I give a Rat's Arse.

Dear Middler,

I find that in addition to being an engineer and worshiping Pink Floyd I also love Monty Python. Will I get laid before marriage?

Very Anxious,
Male, Computer Club

Dear VA,

No. But you, son, have known a rare pleasure that few men know of, so take that you biker dudes! Now that you are not going to get laid, why don't you spend some time on "A Bit of Fry and Laurie". In some parts, they are even better than the Pythons!

Exhibit B,C, D:

Thanks for Writing In. Not that I give a Rat's Arse.

If you have any such profound questions on life, relationships, academics then fire away to the following address:

Subject: Dear Middler
c/o middlergivesaratsass [at] gmail [dot] com

(read as middler-gives-a-rat's-ass)

If on the other hand, you need money from Africans or male enlargement pills just check your spam folder.

*This was too one of their sketches though I am not able to locate the video now


IDR said...

Nice Post

Raghav said...

Nice post! You didn't mention that I helped you beat your blues first with that video song ;)

themiddler said...


Thanks :)


Haha... will do! Do you want to be linked to your Orkut profile :P

Sri said...

Your adsense ads came up with some funny ones for this post! lol.

Meaning of life ads and monty python ringtones and even one about Douglas Adams. lol.

B Shyam Sundar said...

nice one da maams!