Friday, June 27, 2008

As the thoughts flow...

Oops... again missed on following up a story. Mea Culpa! My hard disk crashed last week and the half written file bit the dust, much like the other files I had. I long for my old hard disk. But as the service center guy asked me if I wanted any data recovered, I realized that I really did not need any! I have always had bad luck with computers... okay okay, I just don't know why my computers get screwed so easily. The obvious answer would be that I mistreat my gadgets, but I really don't!

Maybe I got to do better research when I buy them, but that still does not explain the extent of the cups my gadgets fall into. sigh...

Anyway, as a result of years of bad luck with computers, I just backup my stuff on mail as an instinct. So I had the really really important stuff on gmail and did not need to spend money on recovering data. But even without that, got taken to the cleaners money wise. sigh again...

It is curious really... when I was interning I missed campus life with its supposed abandon and now that I am back at campus, I am actually missing work life. As the Tamil saying goes, Desire comes in waves and at a fundamental level I am just feeling so restless and have no idea as to why that is.

I really want to get obsessed with something to the exclusion of everything else. I am kind of bored of doing this middle class act where you are supposed to balance everything - do your duty to everybody - keep your mind under control and all that.

Someone once mentioned this tidbit which has always fascinated me. I don't even know how true it is or even if I remember it the right way, but this is what I carried out. I was told that the temple architects were required to undergo a fast certain number of days before they started working on their projects. This was so that they could condition their minds. The main sculptors who sculpted the magnificent garbagrihas were specially required to undergo rigorous fasts and during the period of the sculpting they were isolated from family to concentrate on their work.
And this discipline produced the great sculptures that have stood the test of time.

I really want to bury myself in an obsession like that, becoming oblivious to everything else. Of course, there is no point in waiting for things to happen and it is better to seize the day and all that I suppose.

But there are times when I do get doubts. All this obsession after money or achievement or fame is fine, but I have always believed complete obsession in an enchanting woman is the best form of obsession. Of course, it is certain to lead to ruin, but isn't such ruin worth attaining?

Actually, hitting the bottom may not be such a bad thing after all. I have always believed in the phrase Aham Brahmasmi and this life force resides in all of us. I interpret this statement to mean that there is a certain life force that keeps this cosmos running. Also, to experience this inner divinity, one must reach utter ruin. Why? Only when do you reach pit bottom, does your ego get completely shattered. When this ego is shattered there are two ways to respond to it. One way is to commit suicide and the other way is to search for the force which keeps us... human, the life force. This is a curious thing actually. All those people who go from temple to temple do it because their ego makes them feel superior, but this strengthening of ego actually pushes them away from experience the divinity in themselves.

Therefore, if you see there is no such thing as a bad thing in life!



Hari Ganapathy said...

the best thing I would say is to try and "FALL" in love. That way you lose your ego and you also have your satisfaction of becoming oblivious of the world around you and how your world becomes your gurl! Come on middle.. try it this one time!!

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Czar said...

''I really want to get obsessed with something to the exclusion of everything else. I am kind of bored of doing this middle class act where you are supposed to balance everything - do your duty to everybody - keep your mind under control and all that.''


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