Sunday, September 10, 2006

On Relationships

Ever since a boy crosses the Rubicon and realizes the hand may be used for, ahem… well, other purposes, girls and women come to play a large role in his life. As he matures and comes into the early twenties, the desire to be in a relationship with a woman is a strong one, perhaps the strongest. (Of course, due to the surfeit of sex in cinema and television, the thresholds are reducing, but I speak of the average.)

Tune into SUN Music and every second one sees SMSs flashed on the screen which indicates that some X loves some Y. If you see SUN Music long enough, you would think that Tamil Nadu must be teeming with young couples. Whether that is true or not, one simple fact is that one sees a lot of people openly proclaiming their “boyfriend”hoods and “girlfriend”ships like never before.

It is interesting to see how all this starts. From common observation, I think the “Girlfriend getting process” is best classified as Darwinian. Every young man worth his salt starts off (or rather should start off) lusting after Aishwarya Rai or Bipasha Basu or whoever is the flavour of the day. After much struggle he realizes that the Ms. A. Rai or the Ms.B. Basu is out of his reach and downgrades to the Asin or Samiksha or whoever is the local babe. (An aside: I think what would put off a full blooded man from pursuing Aishwarya is not the threat of Salman’s muscles but rather the possibility of Vivek Oberoi’s effeminate “threats” over phone) He soon realizes that even they are out of his reach and now looks for the babe in his circuits. Even that is not so easy due to the “Hot Girls Date Only Losers” Theorem. Therefore, our wise and more importantly, horny hero settles for the policy of “Carpe Babeum” (Seize the Babe) and proposes to the first girl who laughs at his jokes and listens admiringly when he speaks of his tooth picking strategies.

Please do not mistake me. I do not intend any disrespect but I couldn’t help the sarcasm. And that sarcasm is because, I consider the “Boyfriend – Girlfriend” relationship as a strange one. For one, it is a loosely defined and predominantly convenience based relationship. If it were purely so, I wouldn’t have any problems. But for such a relationship the emphasis on fidelity is quite senseless. Due to this stress on fidelity, the relationship essentially is like a marriage without its main perk, the sex.

While the earlier part was quite frivolous, in the following lines I will talk about my idea of an ideal relationship. Put simply, the basis of the man woman relationship should be sexuality. But the problem is that sexuality encompasses many aspects namely, the attraction based on looks, intelligence, personality, fetishes etc. Therefore, it is highly probable that an individual (man AND woman) finds one partner inadequate. (Of course, if you are in a relationship and perfectly satisfied by it then you could be one of those one-in-a-million guys lucky enough to have found your dream partner. Alternately and more probably, your standards are too low.) Therefore, at least in the years before commitment, people would want to experiment in various kinds of relationships.

Therefore, in my “model” of the ideal relationship, we have at the core of the relationships, the “companion”. This “companion” is that someone with whom you connect and see a future with. But the future is distant and as far as today goes, the field has to be played and it is quite unsatisfying to settle for one person. Therefore, around this core you can build multi-dimensional relationship polygons. (Why settle for the old triangle when there exist polygons I say?). The aim is to experiment with various kinds of relationships. However, you have to work out an agreement with your companion wherein you agree to tell each other everything (a la Sartre and de Beauvoir) or choose not to say anything. The companion will also have his/her love polygon. Then each one explores relationships on his/her terms and after a certain number of years the both of them sit together and review the relationship.

Obviously there are many loopholes to such a proposition. The greatest problem is that of jealousy. It is for this reason that such an approach to relationships may not be suitable for everyone. Heck, in fact it will cause problems even to the most broad-minded. The next problem is the other partners in the loop may feel cheated, if they come to know, and this could lead to ugly situations. Therefore, the essential ingredients to such an arrangement are maturity and honesty. Another angle is marriage. Is such an arrangement feasible for marriages? I think not. I guess the willingness of two people to enter into marriage implies fidelity.

Despite all these safeguards, common sense suggests that such experiments, from an expectation point of view, are doomed to fail. Even a simple analysis of the situation indicates many emotional complications. Yet I wanted to articulate an alternative to the current trend of relationships, after all what are jobless thinkers for? ;-)

18 comments:

Sunil said...

I can see a maajar catastrophe in ur blogspot after this post. We can actually have a debate on these lines. In any case, the first part is really fine. and abt the sun music thingy, lol. But as far as the last few lines, i totally disagree 4 the very facts tat u hav said urself. But a nice topic 2 discuss......

karthekeyan(rg) said...

middle... no-a-slot-quiz syndrome??
had started well on a comic note... but sleisha cupped with the ideal model I think!

themiddler said...

@Sunil
I want a catastrophe :) Would liven up life. Frankly am quite curious what the women have to say.

@RG
Thanks for stopping by. A slot are there. I had written this last week, generally published it today. Hmm... yeah the notion is outrageous... will wait and see what others have to say as well before coming with a reply.

Shankar said...

"Due to this stress on fidelity, the relationship essentially is like a marriage without its main perk, the sex." why assuming no sex in a botfriend-girlfriend relationship???? and main perk in the ring for the girl and absolutely nothing for the boy.

Check this

themiddler said...

@CoolShankin

Hey nice link!

Your objections are very valid, but this conclusion is based on the sample space I have talked to... hmmm...lies, damned lies and statistics!

Ramkumar said...

quite true... wouldn't elaborate much coz we have beaten this topic to death already in our debates.. Err.. what still hurts me is that u choose to *downgrade* from Bipasha Basu to Asin... :p

themiddler said...

Hmm... I wrote down the first few names which came to my mind. Doesn't reflect my opinions... that seems a good topic for a separate blog though!

Anand said...

Coolshank put the "botfriend-girlfriend" in his comment... I guess it's a typo, but it could've inadvertently brought out the fact that in a relationship, the guy, is a Bot :P

Sickboy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sickboy said...

So you've finally started blogging...

As for the article, I agree with it on most counts. The most important thing that can make a relationship work is trust. But I disagree with the view that relationships are based largely on sexuality; IMHO it is equally based on emotional satiety. And practical issues too come into play.

Please explain the triangle part- shouldn't it be a line segment (connecting two individuals)? Loved the concept of relationship polygons though :D

Sickboy said...

Read the post again; got the reference for the triangle part.

Pollyanna said...

The sad truth is, relationships have to happen just so that the race of humans doesn't die out.

themiddler said...

@sickboy

Thanks for stopping by. Sorry but I just can't seem to place you. Anyway your " Nonsense and maybe some reasons for abstinence " has the kind of "poetry" I like!

themiddler said...

@Pollyana

Hey nice point and well put, but rather bleak, don't you think?
Anyway, same problem as sickboy... I just can't place my finger on who you are? Or you write an anonymous blog for this very reason?

Naresh said...

killer comedy post.
i disagree on all counts.
but had a hearty laugh.
you have to watch Sex and the City for full fundaes.
alternatively, you could fall for a girl and get first "hand" experience.

lol. that was accidental!

Naresh said...

Relationship, god, underground...
ps: nice strategy to put controversial/deabatable posts early on to increase readership and keep them hooked on so that the gen posts that come up later on dont go un-commented. :)

Pollyanna said...

You don't know me. Was directed here by sickboy. :-)

Ganesh said...

The middleman is probably the only person I know who can analyse such issues with an almost unheard of sense of neutrality!