The Hotel at TinStop Hill (Concluded)

(The Second part of the story, The Hotel at TinStop Hill. The first part may be found here. If you have not read the first part, it really does not matter. You could read that after this one)

The Mysterious Mr. Travistock took a thoughtful puff on his cigar. “Capital”, he muttered, looking into the distance. He could have been referring to the quality of his Cuban cigar or the source of his single biggest problem. After an interval of five minutes, he looked back at the papers strewn across his mahogany table. It was an antique table once gracing the study of the King’s Advisor of the Isle of Sumatra. The table had a unique scent which put his mind to peace and helped him concentrate.

Mr. Travistock had unique powers of concentration. He could do many things at once. It was as if his brain was compartmentalized into strictly exclusive parts and each piece of information went into the relevant slot. This was best illustrated in the manner in which he dealt with the papers strewn across the big table.

On one side, lay the latest version of a catalog of antique lamps. In front of him lay papers on a new project he was working upon, his next venture (hopefully) and to the other end lay the papers concerning the Hotel at TinStop Hill. Watching the mysterious Mr. Travistock at work was indeed an experience. He would pick the catalog, flip through it two, three times, then suddenly seize a bunch of papers on the Hotel at TinStop Hill and make furious notings and then just as suddenly go back to the catalog. To an external observer the movements seemed sporadic/random and irritating. It was this tendency that had made him conclude very early on that he would never take a partner for his business or in fact, work too much with other people if he could avoid doing so.

Just earlier that day he had got the news of Jim’s resignation. It did not affect him. He was glad in a way. He respected Jim too much to tell him that he had to leave. He hoped it would start a wave of panic that would result in everyone leaving. But he knew that would not happen. Human beings after all had to stick on to that damned thing called hope even if reality came and slapped them on their faces, he thought cruelly.

As per the contract there were no liabilities to the Hotel at TinStop Hill if they resigned. He felt nothing at all, for as far as he was concerned they had been extremely well compensated.

His biggest worry was with respect to the finances. It looked like he was going to lose money and a considerable amount at that. That per se did not affect him. The Mysterious Mr. Travistock had started as a Tobacconist (under his real name, that no one knew today) and was a compulsive entrepreneur. No, he was actually a compulsive gambler but his bets were on companies. Starting from a humble tobacconist, the Mysterious Mr. Travistock had grown to be one of the richest men in the world. Yet, being a borderline misanthrope, he went to often crazy limits to avoid human interaction and no one knew the actual identity of the man. This was in direct contrast with the rest of his peers who threw money lavishly in a desperate bid to showcase their wealth.

Looking at the papers of the Hotel at TinStop Hill, Mr. T finally let out a sigh. This was going to be a loss. No way out. Again, that morning he had had pieces removed from the Grand Steps to Serendip and auctioned them. They had been sold at a considerable loss, which had in fact crashed the market as well, but he needed the inflow to keep the venture afloat. That caused a momentary pang of panic in him and Mr. T chided himself for allowing a human emotion to affect him.

He laid down the papers and took the drink in his hand. He stood up and approached the window. It was time for reflection. Clearly, he had taken risk he could not handle. The Hotel at TinStop Hill had been envisioned as the ultimate and default destination for powerbroking. He had hoped to build a kind of International power centre at his Hotel. The first few days went like a dream. The crème de la crème of the world’s political stage wanted to come to the Hotel at TinStop Hill. The conversations carried out were of the greatest import and the Hotel provided a plethora of communication facilities, anti-bugging devices, motion sensors and anything else that caught the fancy of the world’s elite security agencies. The access to those devices was controlled by Mr. T himself and a few select individuals. With time tremendous pressure came to be applied on these individuals by rival intelligence agencies in a battle for information. Of course, Mr. T did anticipate all that, and his whole idea had been to provide trust in return for exorbitant amounts of money. When he had started, he had been extremely clear on one thing which was that he would not compromise on integrity, come what may.

He was not unduly worried about personal security. His house, a bungalow that he had bought on TinStop Hill, from a dying old ammunitions baron who had no children, was equipped with the latest security devices in the world. Also, no unnatural deaths ever occurred in the TinStop bungalows, the repercussions would be too much.

However, with time, the pressure from a certain quarter had been too much to bear and he had crumbled, letting out information on one deal. Somehow, and he never understood how, for he had extracted a number of concessions to safeguard him and his business, the word got around and soon some of the most powerful organizations in the world started beating upon his door making all sorts of requests. And then literally, everything crumbled. He found himself caught in bizarre power plays that were eroding into his personal wealth. Such was the enormity of that wealth, the he was still amongst the richest, but the mental pressure had been quite in excess.

He caved and struck a number of compromises which essentially ensured that his career was dead. The negotiations had sickened the usually unemotional Mr. Travistock. As mentioned earlier, he loathed unnecessary human contact. He found human beings terribly petty and insecure. More irritatingly, a set of insecure human beings always seemed to gang up and stifle those who appeared to be secure. In many of these negotiations, he felt he had seen a sadistic glimmer in the eyes of men, who were keen to see the Mysterious Mr. Travistock on his knees.

As he returned to his table, he was too strong, he would not sink. But clearly to continue swimming, he would need another identity. The Mysterious Mr. Travistock took out a piece of paper, scribbling furiously…

As the thoughts flow...

Oops... again missed on following up a story. Mea Culpa! My hard disk crashed last week and the half written file bit the dust, much like the other files I had. I long for my old hard disk. But as the service center guy asked me if I wanted any data recovered, I realized that I really did not need any! I have always had bad luck with computers... okay okay, I just don't know why my computers get screwed so easily. The obvious answer would be that I mistreat my gadgets, but I really don't!

Maybe I got to do better research when I buy them, but that still does not explain the extent of the cups my gadgets fall into. sigh...

Anyway, as a result of years of bad luck with computers, I just backup my stuff on mail as an instinct. So I had the really really important stuff on gmail and did not need to spend money on recovering data. But even without that, got taken to the cleaners money wise. sigh again...

It is curious really... when I was interning I missed campus life with its supposed abandon and now that I am back at campus, I am actually missing work life. As the Tamil saying goes, Desire comes in waves and at a fundamental level I am just feeling so restless and have no idea as to why that is.

I really want to get obsessed with something to the exclusion of everything else. I am kind of bored of doing this middle class act where you are supposed to balance everything - do your duty to everybody - keep your mind under control and all that.

Someone once mentioned this tidbit which has always fascinated me. I don't even know how true it is or even if I remember it the right way, but this is what I carried out. I was told that the temple architects were required to undergo a fast certain number of days before they started working on their projects. This was so that they could condition their minds. The main sculptors who sculpted the magnificent garbagrihas were specially required to undergo rigorous fasts and during the period of the sculpting they were isolated from family to concentrate on their work.
And this discipline produced the great sculptures that have stood the test of time.

I really want to bury myself in an obsession like that, becoming oblivious to everything else. Of course, there is no point in waiting for things to happen and it is better to seize the day and all that I suppose.

But there are times when I do get doubts. All this obsession after money or achievement or fame is fine, but I have always believed complete obsession in an enchanting woman is the best form of obsession. Of course, it is certain to lead to ruin, but isn't such ruin worth attaining?

Actually, hitting the bottom may not be such a bad thing after all. I have always believed in the phrase Aham Brahmasmi and this life force resides in all of us. I interpret this statement to mean that there is a certain life force that keeps this cosmos running. Also, to experience this inner divinity, one must reach utter ruin. Why? Only when do you reach pit bottom, does your ego get completely shattered. When this ego is shattered there are two ways to respond to it. One way is to commit suicide and the other way is to search for the force which keeps us... human, the life force. This is a curious thing actually. All those people who go from temple to temple do it because their ego makes them feel superior, but this strengthening of ego actually pushes them away from experience the divinity in themselves.

Therefore, if you see there is no such thing as a bad thing in life!

Peace.

The Hotel At TinStop Hill

(Warning: Looong story. But I am sure it kind of "flows" once you start reading :))

Jim Hardy wearily trudged his way along the stone path coiling up TinStop hill. The silver tipped walking stick made a rhythmic sound that Jim found helpful in concentrating on the problem that was bothering him. It was a dark cloudy day and that mirrored the state of his mind, clichéd as it may seem.

The Hotel on TinStop Hill had been opened with much fanfare. TinStop Hill took its name from the famed TinStop Bungalows located at the top of the hill. The TinStop Bungalows were the homes to some of the richest and most powerful men in the world. More noteworthy was the fact that most of the families here had achieved and held this power and money for more than a hundred years. The TinStop bungalows were spoken of as the most exclusive residential address in the world.

Jim Hardy remembered the day he got the call from the mysterious Mr. Travistock. Until then Jim had been the manager of the reputed Grand Orient at Winston’s Hillock. The Grand Orient had been built by a billionaire and boasted of one of the most impressive art collections for a hotel. Jim had joined there as a waiter at one the restaurants and over a period of two decades had become the manager of the hotel. His able management of the hotel coupled with the special care he lavished on the art collection had attracted the mysterious Mr. Travistock’s attention.

The interview process had been... mysterious to say the least. He had been asked to enter the basement of a decrepit garage, where he was received by a solitary Butler. He was then blindfolded and ushered into Mr. Travistock’s presence. Once the interview started, Jim could sense that the chamber he was in was one of immense luxury. The blindfolded interview had been quite thorough and professional. The mysterious Mr. Travistock was clearly an expert in the luxury industry. Jim also felt that he was a gentleman of fine breeding and his taste was exquisite. Clearly, the mysterious Mr. Travistock was not one of those rich men with common taste, masquerading as though they were of finer pedigree. Jim always lifted his right eyebrow involuntarily when he approved of a customer and felt that the latter was indeed a gentleman and lifted his left eyebrow when the customer was not. After many years in the industry, he had developed an instinct as to whether a customer had money and class. Money could buy many things, but it could never buy class, he was fond of saying. Everyone from the footman to the deputy manager caught on to this and there was active speculation on which side a customer has been “eyebrow”ed. The mysterious Mr. Travistock had been "eyebrow"ed right.

The interview was exacting and the mysterious Mr. Travistock was a perfectionist. After the interview, Jim was offered a meal, which he had to eat blindfolded. However, the waiters at the table were excellent and he had had a satisfying meal. As he was escorted out, Jim was informed that he should make no effort to contact them or even make inquiries of the mysterious Mr. Travistock and that they would get back to him. As Jim navigated a curve on his way to the Hotel at TinStop Hill, he reflected that the behaviour that day was quite an accurate reflection of the nature of his professional engagement with Mr. Travistock’s establishment. He had powers only on very basic operational issues. When he dealt with anything bigger, he felt as if he were working blindfolded. Maybe Mr. Travistock should have been "eyebrow"ed left. But he was a gentleman!

A week after that surreal interview, Jim received a big package. The interview seemed like a dream to Jim when recollected it. He opened the package to find an exquisitely made crystal vase which appeared to have a shiny gold box in the shape of a treasure chest. He extracted the curious treasure chest, to see a small scroll that announced his selection to the post of the manager of the Hotel at TinStop Hill. Jim smiled, glad that he had impressed a man of such fine taste, but shrugged and put the gold box in his drawer. He was satisfied at The Grand Orient and saw no need to make a change in his life. He liked stability.

As Jim entered the dining room of the Elgin Club later that evening, he noticed a sudden change in the way he was received. The Elgin club was a meeting place for those involved with the hospitality industry in the area and evidently word had got around of Jim’s appointment.

Anthony, the Manager of The Ancient Oak, was the first to congratulate Jim.

“Heard about your appointment. Mighty impressive, getting the nod of approval from the mysterious Mr. Travistock!”, he said

“How did you know about it?”, Jim asked in surprise

“Everyone is talking about it. Don’t think you were the only one called. All the managers in this club were called and by getting this appointment, you have proven yourself to be the best in your job!”, Tony said with a wistful smile

“Is it so? I really did not know the importance of the...”

“Are you kidding? The mysterious Mr. Travistock has decided that this is going to be the magnum opus of his life. His ambition is to open the ultimate venue in world power broking and deal broking...”, Anthony said but was interrupted by a waiter calling him away for a phone call.

The waiter smiled and added, “And may I offer my congratulations, Sir”

Jim was puzzled.

How did the mysterious Mr. Travistock get access to an address on TinStop Hill? As far as he knew, no one by the name of Travistock held residence on the TinStop bungalows. Maybe that explained why he had been blindfolded. Could Mr. Travistock be of an honourable family that fell into bad times and was trying to make up for that? Even if it were true, the families in the TinStop bungalows were of the highest reputation and if indeed this was an honourable venture why would they hide their name?

Edward Elgin, the owner of the Elgin Club came up to Jim.

“May I offer the future manager of the Hotel on TinStop Hill a glass of our finest whiskey?”, he asked with a congratulatory smile

Edward Elgin was an old friend of Jim’s and was a great admirer of the way Jim ran the Grand Orient. He often benchmarked his own comparatively modest club to that of the Grand Orient.

“Look, how did you know the name of my appointment? Or for that matter even the name of the Hotel?”, Jim demanded

“Why wouldn't I be? Just as you were sent a crystal vase with the gold box, all those called for an audience with the mysterious Mr. Travistock got a bronze vase with a silver chest informing of their failure and your success. There was a similar arrangement for the chef, right down to even the footmen! Getting into the Hotel on TinStop Hill at any level is like winning the Oscars for that category or that is how the mysterious Mr. Travistock has made it to be!”, Edward replied

“But who is this mysterious Mr. Travistock? Is he one of the TinStop families?”, Jim asked

“Ah...”, Edward paused and looked around. Then with a jovial smile led Jim to his room and closed the door.

“I am not sure if I am supposed to be saying this, but I have a cousin who works for the mysterious Mr. Travistock at a very close level. Apparently, Mr. T is an art dealer of some sort who grew close to the TinStop families.”, Edward whispered

“But how did he get property on TinStop Hill for a hotel, however grandiose its intentions may be? Isn’t that supposed to be exclusive?”, Jim asked

“Yes! People are talking of the very same thing. There is one rumour that perhaps Mr. Travistock is blackmailing one of the TinStop families. I find that ludicrous for they could simply crush such a guy without lifting a finger. My cousin believes that the most plausible explanation could be that one of the TinStop families did not have an heir and he got it as a trustee or something”, Edward speculated.

“But I like the Grand Orient. I see absolutely no reason to change”, Jim said

“Ah, but you are being paid so much... aren’t you?”, Edward asked surprised

“What! Even I have not heard of my prospective pay and the street knows about it?”, Jim asked incredulously

Edward said smilingly, “Ah... I have heard but rumours. If indeed they turn out to be true, you are going to find it pretttty hard to resist the lure.”

“No. I don’t think so. I have all the money I need. It is just that... this whole air of mystery does not augur well in my opinion. I run The Grand Orient in an open manner. Any of my subordinates can come and talk to me. I would never treat them like this...” Jim continued

Jim sighed as he started the ascent of the Grand Steps To Serendip. The Grand Steps to Serendip was a kilometer’s climb which led to the hotel entrance. There was an escalator nearby as well as a shuttle service Jim could have called. He just wanted to postpone entering his office.

As he climbed the stairs, he winced. The marble statues that adorned the entrance were missing. There was no point in calling the police. A month ago, one such piece of art was missing from the foyer. When he reported it to the police, he got a message from the mysterious Mr. Travistock forbidding him from going to the police without consulting the latter first. The reason given was that the fair name of the Hotel at TinStop Hill should not be dragged into the press. A week ago Jim read in the papers that an objet d'art had been auctioned for a record amount. On closer inspection of the picture, it seemed to Jim that it resembled the missing piece. Jim was long suspecting the Hotel at TinStop Hill was in grave financial situations, but he himself had no idea of the exact state. Astonishingly, for a manager of the Hotel, he had no idea who or how the clients paid the Hotel or for that matter how much the fares were. He received no replies for such questions and had come to accept the silence.

Despite his objections, when the call did come, Jim found out that the pay had been indeed... obscene. He could retire in a few years but more than that, as Edward told him, he looked upon the compensation as some sort of recognition for his ability, a neutral metric for his talent.

The Hotel at TinStop Hill began with a bang alright. Some of the most important meetings in the world began to be scheduled there. Jim was stressed, dazzled and intimated by the events of significance that he would have to handle without any mistake whatsoever. However, he went about it with a new energy. Being close to some of the most important actors in world politics gave him the feeling that he played a small but crucial role in the play.* In the beginning, the job was indeed intoxicating.

All the people in the Hotel at TinStop Hill were the best at what they did. There was little need for instruction and people picked up on problems well. After two years of operation, Jim felt that he was indeed on top of his profession. There were lots of perks too. He was made a member of many a club. He even gave a speech to the local school on Hotel Management as a career choice rivaling that of any of the other conventional professions.

However, just as suddenly as the Hotel at TinStop Hill had started its rise, the Hotel started on its slide. Meetings and conferences started getting canceled at the last moment. More embarrassingly for Jim, some of the cancellations were done by the mysterious Mr. Travistock. Once a meeting had been canceled by Mr. Travistock after some delegates had arrived. Jim bore the brunt of the guests’ ire. What frustrated Jim was the fact that the action was patently unfair! All these conferences were of great import and the guests were eminent men in their own right. Treating them in that manner was just not civil!

The morale took a dive. All the people in the Hotel at TinStop Hill were good at what they did and they blamed themselves initially. They just worked harder and better. But customers grew more irate. After some more months, the Assistant Chef was fired for no ostensible reason.

And then Jim saw it happening in front of his eyes. The whole Hotel started coming apart. People started suspecting each other. Jim was the object of a vicious rumour campaign. But he tried harder. These were people of great professional bearing. They had been selected very carefully. Jim reasoned that there must be a way to work things out. Like the rest of them he blamed himself for not being innovative in solving the problem. He read books on better management, attended seminars on reviving organizations, turned to the ancient tomes for wisdom. He initiated a weekly group meeting so that everyone could air their concerns. Slowly, these meetings were hijacked by a few self righteous and over eager speakers and the rest became indifferent to it. They even went on a camp outing together. The camp outing was illuminating in a way. They discussed their problems and after a point got into circles. Then everyone lost interest and people split into their various groups and went their own way.

Jim crossed the beautiful garden between the Grand Steps of Serendip and his office. There was a pebble stone path that Jim liked to walk upon. He liked the sound his footsteps made on the pebble stone. The action that he was about to take was well reasoned.

He had many pleas to the mysterious Mr. Travistock for more participation. What brought the normally docile Jim to the point of blind fury was the fact that he could not even reach the mysterious Mr. Travistock. He usually posted his communication to the “gentleman”! Jim had had enough it all. There was a frustration and pent up anger in the very air of the Hotel. Or maybe that was Jim’s feeling.

Jim sat at his desk and took out his letter head to write his resignation letter. Despite all the anger, Jim was deferential in his letter. He knew no other way to write. As he was halfway through his resignation letter, he saw a rectangular marble box, around half a foot long. Intrigued, he opened it to find a note that read:

Mr. Jim Hardy,

I regret to inform you that due to circumstances beyond my control I would have to let go off you. You are a great professional and I trust other establishments would be more than happy to have your services. Please make no attempt to seek any explanation for this letter.

Later, when Jim recollected this incident he was struck by the fact that the first feeling he experienced was one of relief. Then he felt furious for being treated this way. He wanted to leave without a word to anyone. He stormed out of the office, but after he walked halfway through the pebble stone path, his usual dedication prevented him from walking further. He walked back, pinned the note on the Announcement Board for Employees and walked away. He knew all hell would break loose. He could not care less.

Releasing Next Monday: The Mysterious Mr. Travistock Muses

(*After reading the story I realized that I have been greatly influenced by "The Remains of the Day" by Kazuo Ishiguro. It is a great book and a strongly recommended read)

Rough Guide to VB Coding in Excel for Beginners

One of the things which strikes many an intern when he steps into investment banking is the extent to which the industry relies on the tool called Excel. As a co-intern pointed out, many investment banking internships are indeed “Excel”lent experiences.

I have had my time with VB coding and personally find it quite an enjoyable thing to do. Also, the ability to code up excel macros is a very useful skill to have in the real world .

So I thought I would put a rough and dirty guide to Excel coding. The aim is really to get the beginner started and running. For many of the advanced applications, there are quite a few resources on the Web.

Before that, dumb as the following may sound, let me clarify a definition first. The term ‘Workbook’ (which we will never almost use) refers to the .xls file. The term ‘Worksheet’ (which we will use a lot) refers to the individual sheets in the workbook. This is very basic and if there is a confusion here, there could be problems later on, so I have just added a picture. Excel Demo.xls is the workbook and ‘Industry’, ‘DataDumpA’ and ‘DataDumpB’ are the Worksheets.

Let us take a simple problem. Say you have got data from data sources on two companies A and B which you have either copied on to the sheets or queried from some data source. Say you have copied quarterly sales data of company A and B into sheets ‘DataDumpA’ and ‘DataDumpB’.

For arguments’ sake, say A and B are the only players in the industry and you want to find the total sales of the industry. The easiest way is of course to use the formula in cell B4 as:

DataDumpA!B4+DataDumpB!B4

Sheetname! is the way to refer to worksheets in an excel sheet. You could use this when you have to manually input sheetnames at some places.

Let us do this in VB coding just to get an idea of how things work. The best way for a total novice to learn VB coding is by using the ‘Record Macro’ button. By recording the concerned macro and then seeing the code, the user gets an excellent idea of how vb coding works. I have Office 2007 and the screenshots are from that. I will also give the relevant instructions for Office 2003.

Getting Started:

Irrespective of the version, Alt+F8 should throw up a box like this.

Input a name for the macro and press the “Create” Tab.

This should get you to the Coding interface. (Phew... all these pictures just to get to the most basic step! The basics always take time I suppose...)

The “Sub” indicates that this is a macro. The way to access the macro is to either put in a command button that calls (The syntax is: Call MacroName) this macro or we can call it as part of another macro. We will revisit this.

The only other thing I have used is a Function. The code for that would start with:

Public Function FunctionName(inputs)

Okay, now that we have got the coding window, let’s type in the code.

(Disclaimer: I am no expert in coding practices. Some of the things I do may not be recommended coding practices. Again, this is only a rough guide to get you started on the job.)

Sub Add()

'Macro to obtain aggregate industry numbers

'Created on 14th June 2008

colcount = 3

For i = 1 To 4

Worksheets("Industry").Cells(colcount + i, 1).Value = Worksheets("DataDumpA").Cells(colcount + i, 1).Value

Worksheets("Industry").Cells(colcount + i, 2).Value = Worksheets("DataDumpA").Cells(colcount + i, 2).Value + Worksheets("DataDumpB").Cells(colcount + i, 2).Value

Next i

End Sub

Let us go through the code line by line

For i = 1 To 4

Next i

In VB Excel coding, the syntax for For is as above.

Worksheets(“Industry”).Cells(colcount+i,1).Value

This syntax is perhaps the most important syntax as it shows how to refer to cells in the Excel sheet through the VB code.

Worksheets(“SheetName”) refers to the specific sheet that has the data you are looking at.

Cells(row, column) is explanatory

.Value takes whatever is there in the cell as per the format in the cell. So if there is a date in the cell, it will take the date as it is in the cell format.

Say that the source data gives the data in MM/DD/YY format, but you want it as DD/MM/YY format, what you need to do is to change the format of the cell. So, right-click on the cell -> Format Cells... -> set the required format in that. Then VB would transfer the value as it is.

Some practical tips:

Most beginners would get the following error message:

Subscript out of range

This usually indicates that the Worksheet name has been input wrongly. So for example, instead of “DataDumpA”, if I had put “DataDump1” then this error would arise. This message would also come if an array assignment exceeds the declared boundaries of the array.

Say, an array of dimension 10 had been declared but if the ArrayName(12) is used, then the same error would arise.

As mentioned earlier, hardcoding the colcount is not a good thing. Perhaps we could have a flag. The string “Date” would be the flag and we should iterate until we find it.

The code for that would look as follows:

colcount=1

While Worksheets("Industry").Cells(colcount, 1).Value <> "Date"

colcount = colcount + 1

Wend

While

Wend

Is the syntax for the While loop

If Loop

There is the If loop and the If-Elseif loop.

Say in our sheet, we had to compare dates and if the quarterly dates did not match, then an error message box had to be thrown up.

The code would look as follows:

If Worksheets(“DataDumpA”).Cells(colcount,1).Value = Worksheets(“DataDumpB”).Cells(colcount,2).Value Then

Worksheets(“Industry”).Cells(colcount,1).Value = Worksheets(“DataDumpA”).Cells(colcount,1).Value

Elseif Worksheets(“DataDumpA”).Cells(colcount,1).Value <> Worksheets(“DataDumpB”).Cells(colcount,2).Value Then

MsgBox “Dates for the two companies do not match”

End If

Things neither here nor there

One of the biggest “stumbling blocks” in VB coding for excel is the “Not Equal to” Operator.

<> is used to indicate inequality

Declarations

The command Dim is used to declare data type.

If you notice we never used Dim in our code. That is because the operations are very simple. However if you had strings or arrays you would need to declare them. The syntax is as follows:

‘Declare a String

Dim Name as String

‘Declare an array of integers

Dim ArrayName(ArraySize)

‘Declare an array of strings

Dim ArrayName(ArraySize) As String

‘Declaring dynamic arrays

Say we need to have an array of a certain size x. However, x is the product of certain operations. Then we need to initially declare the array and then re-dimension it to the appropriate size x.

The syntax would be as:

Dim ArrayName()

ReDim ArrayName(x)

Wrap Up:

I think you are pretty much rough and ready to go. Hope this was useful. Again I stress that this is for those who need to get a quick move on things. There are always smarter ways to do stuff once you get the basics figured out.

Do tell me if this was helpful. I can put up more stuff on:

· Using the debugger

· Handling Strings

· Adding a command button

· Using Names in Excel for dynamic data management

My Two Pennies

It is the admission season now and a time when only mad dogs and admission-seeking parents step into the merciless May heat of Chennai. I understand these must be stressful times for a lot of people. However, one recurring theme leads me to write this blog.

In casual conversations, I see many parents gushing over how hard their kids worked. Statements like, “He/She has sacrificed soooo much for these many years, I don’t care where he/she gets admission as long as they are happy.” Other common refrains are “This is all madness. Is any of it worth it?”, “Everyone gets an IT job, so how does it matter what we do” and so on.

These statements irritate me a lot simply because they are defeatist and escapist. True, the college admission process is a major step in anyone’s life. Given the intensity of the competition, disappointment is inevitable. Just admit things did not work out and move on! However, I find that most people try to justify their disappointment by resorting to specious claims and making arbitrary theories.

To give an example, one hears this comment quite frequently. “He tried so hard and gave his best, if after that he did not get it, then such a thing is not needed”. This is NOT how to react to your first disappointment. Remember, it is not as if that one kid alone gave his best while others were counting hair. Everyone is trying hard and sometimes, shit happens. By justifying failure, parents are setting up their kids to fail. Another such situation may come up where a project may have to be executed at considerable energy and the outcome may not be certain. According to this value system, if after all that hard work, you don’t complete the project, then it is not worth it. Then why do it in the first place? Let us just sit and work on solved problems.

The other more irritating thing is when parents wallow in pity for their kids. “How much he studied? He used to attend 6 hrs of coaching daily and sleep only for 4 hrs a day. After that he has not got what he wanted. We are soooooo sad for him.” Often the kids only know how well “all those hours of coaching” were utilized. I have always held that there is a critical amount of time one must spend taxing the mind. It is important to relax the mind. If you believe this and in the process lost a few marks, don’t bother justifying it to others. You can always fashion a suitable way for yourself or take the exam again. Just, never ever, wallow in self pity.

So if you have overly fussy parents, most probably they will not tell you some things which are necessary for every young man stepping into the real world. Let me dispense my two penny’orth of advice.

Between the ages of 18/20 to 36, life is a jungle. Make no mistake about it. There are lots of young men jostling for the little space at the top, so that may shine from the peak. To beat this, heck, even survive this rat race, is no mean task. Don’t dismiss it as a rat race that is beneath you. That is also escapist in my opinion. The rat race is a natural consequence and everyone has been through it. Expect no sympathies.

Political instincts that human beings possess, is but a natural outcome of this jostling for visibility. One of my favourite axioms regarding human behaviour is that, most human beings crave for power within limitations imposed upon them by society. Why the qualification? It is as if human beings take the limitations imposed on them by society as given, but work within that to establish their power. Curiously, few people go one step further and question the limitations thrust upon them. If they are indeed power hungry as my axiom claims then should they not be continuously subverting society? Perhaps, religion and moralistic codes are the drugs that smother the animal instincts. I mean, think about it, what prevents all of us from lusting after absolute power? To most readers, just the term “absolute power” may be distasteful intellectually. But don’t we all wish we had that?

Therefore, when young men rise up the rungs, older men are bound to feel threatened that their power will be snatched away. Some of them may be powerful. They will use it against the younger men. Don’t hate or cry about these people because chances are, in that position, you too would do the same. The way out for a young man is to play the game the way it ought to be played. Just as there will be some who will try to repress you, there will be others who may like you. Invest in those relationships. I find that the value system taught in most well educated middle class families is naive, idealistic, inconsistent and foolish.

There is another reason for politics to exist. When there are too many bright people in an environment and some sort of selection has to be made, then subjective parameters will play a greater role. Given two equally good people and for some reason the boss “feels” more confident about one, the decision has to be ascribed to politics. Is it unfair? Yes, very. Is it unavoidable? Yes, very

So is life unfair. Yes. But no one can complain about it. For we only count the times when life is unfair against us and never the times when life is unfair in our favour. Therefore, over a period of time, life is kind of fair.

Which brings me to my primary gripe. While creating pity for their children, parents set them up to fail.

Then what is the right solution? Simply, to tell the truth that “Kid, life will kick you on your balls at times. Face it!”

Peace Out.

Random "Art"

I was thinking of this whole band name business. It appears that barring a few cases, the "secret" really is to string random words together which also sound "cool" because of the sheer random associations the words create. I thought of Blue Whiskey Friday and Absinthe Tears. Here are some images to complement that which I made using IrfanView. Nice time pass it was.

If you are really feeling lazy and in the mood to do something creative, this is a "game" I would suggest. String random words together and try making an image for it. My efforts:

BLUE WHISKEY FRIDAY

ABSINTHE TEARS

Summer Wine

LocalRowdy passed me this link yesterday. Do watch the video (WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK) from Youtube when you get the time.

The song was originally sung by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood. The Youtube video has been sung by Artists Ville Valo and Natalie Avalon, superimposed over images from a German film, "Das Wilde Liben". (If you know the meaning of that phrase, tell me.)

The richness of the lady singer's voice, the "something" in the male singer's voice. Awesome! I don't know how to put it. As soon as I heard it, a "lump" formed... somewhere! I have given the parts of the song I liked best in this blog. The full lyrics can be obtained here.

(Lady's voice)

Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine

(Man's Voice)
My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn't find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamiliar line
And then she gave to me more summer wine

(Man's Voice)
When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime
And left me cravin' for more summer wine

I love these lyrics.

There is a warning... a feeling of what it means to let pure emotions control you despite the prospect of failure... Yet you want it because attaining that will make you feel alive! Ah... that feeling... to be alive!

When I ran the song again and again, this is the impression that was formed in my mind.

The hero is sitting in an expensive pub, smoke everywhere. The modern day pub is itself situated in the dining room of what was once the most beautiful castle in the world. Rare pieces of art adorn the wall. The bartender places the drink of absinthe in a glass that in itself could qualify as a work of art. The hero savours the absinthe while blowing rings of smoke from his cigar. As he surveys the room, his eyes falls upon a woman whose beauty is captivating, rare and... unattainable. Their eyes meet. The passion is so instantaneous and pure that without any words the lady walks to him. She walks with an arrogance and assurance that only her beauty can justify. The hero feels a hammering in his head. He does not know what he is more intoxicated by: the beauty or the absinthe. Then memory fades...

The hero finds himself in a hotel, his mind completely blank. He looks around, could it be a dream? No, there is a rose, a rose so exquisite that only she could have picked. Then he realizes he has been robbed. Yet he does not care, for to let emotion and pure emotion take enrapture him the way that it did, no price is too much to pay! A feeling of peace pervades the hero, for he has attained the unattainable. The conquest is enough!

"Oh No What Now!" PPTosis

For the past few days, I have either been seeing or making many many PPTs. Making PPTs has become such a monotonous and bugging process. The irritating aspect is that there appears to be a fixed component of time (like a fixed cost) to making a PPT. However few slides the PPT contains, you can never finish a half decent PPT in less than an hour!

One reason could be psychological. When you have a small PPT, you tend to think that there is lesser material. So you want to make up by "pseudifying" it.

Either way, I have come to a stage where I suffer from "PPTosis" or PPT fatigue. Irrespective of how good a presentation is, I just switch off when I see that PPT format. It is like a Pavlovian response.

See PPT -> "It must be globe (fart)" -> Mind wanders.

(P.S: Obviously, I am not a cartoonist. But it drives the point just as well.)

The Graveyard of Dreams

It is that pitch dark time of the night,
Dreams control the hero, sleeping tight
Dreams:::: wet <–> wild <–> blasphemy,
<->Morphed <–> vague< -> originality

But there is always a dream killer,
He lurks everywhere, surreptitious,
Here he comes, terrifying under
The garb of reality, tears ‘em asunder

Addictive =~~ power of the moment,
However, bewarned the churn and ferment,
Dreams can be a crazy scary fuel,
Will the hero die in the eternal duel?

The dream killer sets up his henchmen,
Society&&Education&&SinsSeven
They hunt hard, Oh some do get away,
But hey just another one just fell prey ::(

It is yet another casualty
A dream turned sour and salty
Consigned forever, stifled screams
To the Graveyard of Dreams

Parachute AfterShower: An Analysis of the Branding Strategy

(This is a post for another site I will be blogging for regularly. (That is the stated intention!) This site called brandbhai.com has been started by some of us ad mad guys and we review ads and branding strategies of many of the products we see around us. Fundamentally, good marketing achieves it ends in a very subtle manner. brandbhai.com (atleast for me) is an attempt to better understand those processes.)

Oh boy! Times are changing! Gone are the days when the only ads for men’s personal care were those to do with Shaving products. I loved those ads, where the guy with the smooth shave and the rugged looks would look arrogantly in the direction of a female and she would come running to caress his cheeks. Ah! So corny, yet so cool... how I waited for facial hair, so that I too could shave it off with that arrogant style!

Now you have a plethora of ads on men’s products. One of the cooler ads that struck me was the Yuvraj-Sreesanth ad for Parachute Aftershower, Parachute’s new offering. It is a styling cream for men and I quite liked the ad.

As the ad progressed, a thought struck me. Where does Parachute AfterShower fit in for Parachute? This kind of a strategy would be called a Line Extension for Parachute in the Hair Care segment because it is a new brand under the hair care segment aimed at a different segment. The packaging and the ad itself clearly indicate the target segment. The ad shows two young men in an upmarket gym bantering away in a colloquial yet stylish manner. It can be inferred that this product offering is targeted at the high disposable income urban male. In that sense, it is a more high end brand compared to Parachute’s most popular mass coconut oil brand. It is also important to observe that they have taken great pains to indicate allegiance to the mother brand Parachute, cleverly working it into the conversation. However, the basic pack I think comes in around Rs. 30 for a 50 gm. tube. I have a Brylcreem 60 gm. tube which cost me Rs. 60.

This is an interesting point isn’t it? The offering is seems high end but the price is not! Therefore, they appear to have positioned themselves as a High Style/Rs brand. This way they can also target a larger segment.

While I give ParachuteAfteshower 100 marks on the Yuvraj-Sreesanth ad, I give them much lesser on their branding strategy. Let us now put ourselves in the shoes of the marketers and see how it plays out. Clearly, there is a huge opportunity for a company like Marico to come up with an offering for the rapidly expanding market of styling cream for men. From a theoretical viewpoint, there are three branding strategies that can be followed for a product introduction:

• A new stand alone brand

• Sub-branding: The new product brand is combined with a more powerful existing brand (Eg: Gillette Mach3, Gillette is the parent brand but mach3 is the specific brand of the razor. When you go to the shop you ask for Mach3, so it has some value on its own, BUT that value is derived from Gillette.)

• A type of branding where it goes as “Brand X brought to you by Brand Y”.

A new stand alone brand is too costly and does not make sense for Marico given they have Parachute in their stable. They have opted for a sub-branding strategy by choosing Parachute AfterShower. I personally do not agree with this. Let me elaborate.

When I think of Parachute, I think of the following brand associations:

• The Indian Woman

• Value for Money

• Care (the girl who tends to her long, lustrous hair lovingly)

• Purity – the coconut oil is a fantastic product

• Last but definitely the most important: Coconut Oil!

Why would I think that? Just have a look at the two ads below. One is a Tamil ad featuring my favourite Tamil actress Asin. The other is an ad featuring Dia Mirza in Parachute Advanced’s “1 Hour Champi” campaign. Both are fresh and contemporary. And nail the message into the viewer’s mind. Simple, effective ads.

However, given the brand associations they evoke, having Parachute sub-brand a product that is in some way a substitute or competition for coconut oil, doesn’t work for me!! It may be one of the Great Indian Brands that is there in every household, but you can’t sell anything under the name!

I strongly believe that they should have gone for Strategy 3. It should have been branded as “AfterShower by Parachute”. This works completely differently. The message now is: Buy AfterShower because it solves your hair problem and oh by the way, it is brought to you by the same people who have been solving your hair problems till now.

In fact, if the branders had thought about strategy 3, they would not have given a lame name like AfterShower. Can anyone tell me how that name reminds you of a styling cream? AfterShower brings to my mind an image of some think like an aftershave, a piece of toiletry.

Therefore, from a branding point of view, I just cannot get their sub-branding strategy. Let us contrast this with Brylcreem. Brylcreem was always top of my mind for hair cream. Their name clearly indicates that their some sort of a cream and they targeted the urban male much earlier than lots of products. Using this they can afford to price their products at a premium to the market and consumers may pay the premium ,inferring a higher quality.

Final Verdict: In all probability, the product will do very well because of its competitive price. But I doubt if they can ever capture the top spot in this market because of the faulty branding strategy.

Recent Notings on Tamil Heroines

(Warning: The links are all YouTube videos of movie songs. Nothing objectionable really, but some of them may be classified as Not Suitable For Work - NSFW)

Saw "Billa" in PVR cinemas on Saturday. The movie did not feel like a tamil film at all. I personally enjoyed the film. No thinking. Just ogling. Nayanthara is smashing in the movie! Orey the babehood only, she has attained! (Whattay swimming pool entrance, whattay tattoo...) I think she can write a book. "From Homely Figure to Smashing Babe: 7 Easy Steps" (Why 7? It already has some marketing value you see) I think it has been a gradual change from the Chandramukhi Nayanthara. She tried something in Ghajini which umm... less said the better! Also, I think they should have utilized Namitha better. (Honest. No pun intended!) The whole gangster moll is a very powerfully titillating role and merely portraying Namitha as a jealous doll really loses out on a world of opportunity. The potential!

As for the movie itself, it is entertaining. See, I really get pained by the holier-than-thou pricks who look for logic in a movie. A movie is an experience in sensory gratification and that this movie was. So high marks in my book.

The production values in Tamil cinema are shooting through the sky. I really loved the picturisation in the June Ponaal song. Another song which I see frequently in the music channels is this remix from Polladhavan featuring YogiB. One part of me wants to condemn these remixes while another part really enjoys it! This movie is even more mindless and fundaless than Billa, chronicling a guy's love for his bike. (It is a good subject on the face of it...) Frankly, it reeks of unnatural matrimony if you ask me! Does not help at all that the hero is Dhanush. A request: All those who message on SunMusic with pearls of wisdom like: "Dhanush is the thala" and "Dhanush rocks", kindly explain why you like so. But the saving grace of this movie is this cute li'l number called Ramya. Apparently, she is some star in the Kannada film industry. Her face is typically Kannadiga, I feel. What does that mean? See... this is hard to explain, but I am sure you get my point. Don't you see some people on the road and think this person has to be Tam or Bong? The face structure composed of distinct jaws, smile, nose etc. I have seen similar face structure during my ahem... observations in Bangalore. Ergo the statement. More importantly, she is quite well endowed.

At this point, many readers may scoff and point out that my blog represents the typical prelidiction of South Indian men to buxom women. First of all this is a doubtful assertion, solely based on the popularity of Khushboo. For example, Shriya is perfect and I have always held Trisha is almost anorexic. Sadha is just right I guess, and may I remind you of Ileana, full of the Goodness of Goa? And even if there is such a prelidiction, so what? In my limited sample space, women with perfect figures are practically Hitlers when it comes to their and their loved ones' personal fitness. The types who point out how unhealthy it is when you are just about to bite into that luscious piece of cake. If you did eat the cake inspite of that, these women do not just spank you (This was never a family blog!) but make you go the gym or some other such horrible place! Not to mention the constant insecurity. Aha... now that hourglass babe does not seem so desirable, does she. The price of perfection. Enjoy and Let Enjoy should be the motto!

As I mentioned earlier, Shriya is perfect figure wise. But I am not a fan of her smile. She has this way of smiling, more like curving her lips, which sometimes looks enigmatic and alluring and at most other times, slutty. Shreya only has lips and since I am not a lip aficianado, I am not her fan. Asin usually rates highest in my book. But I have a crib about her name. (I have to have a crib!) Apparently, her name is derived from appending the Sanskrit a- suffix to the english word 'sin' thus rendering it the opposite - Asin - ooh...la...la... meaning pure and sinless. Not only that, the name symbolizes the modern Indian who is a combination of West and East it seems! (Source) Kizhinjidhu Po! What kind of a ^%&$# pseud-putting attempt is this!!!

Asin trumps Shriya on the smile criterion. However, Nayanthara is my current Hot Favourite. That reminds me. The structure of our industry is such that women stars come and go as "Flavours of the Month". Jyothika was once at the top and now I haven't seen her in a while. Maybe it is conjugal bliss, maybe she is just waiting for the right script to come along. I have this sneaking suspicion that Nayanthara is approaching hers. I blame it on her overeagerness to play the Babe card. Even Shriya is more than ready to flaunt her assets. While this may lead to a temporary peak, I think it just accelerates the decline. Why? For one, it shows desperation. Then, when you expose so much, only that much can be left for the imagination! The cinema goer is ready to be "stimulated" in this fashion but he gets bored easily also. For example, is Mallika Sherawat even hot cinema property anymore? And how much ever an ice maiden Aishwarya Rai may be, I am sure you would give your right arm to be the Knight if ever she was a damsel in distress. Interestingly, the cribs I have outlines above would qualify as marketing problems for the cinema stars. (Marketing kicks ass...one can just keep on spotting marketing applications!)

That way in Tamil movies, in recent past, the Queen would be Simran. I think she went out while still on top of her game. She looked smashing in that vague role in New as well as that meaty role she essayed most competently in Kannathil Muthamittaal.

I thought that this girl called Samiksha was smashing in the movie "Arinthum Ariyamalum". Haven't seen her in too many movies, since then. Ah well... at the end of the day, I hope this performance by Nayanthara leads to a Babe Wars in Tamil movies. Hail competition, Power to the consumer :P

On the Disconnect between Education and Practice

I have been reading Seth Godin’s “Small is the new big and 183 other riffs, rants and remarkable ideas”. (Seth Godin is a prolific blogger and his blog can be found here) The book itself is a collection of his blogs over an eight year period and they provide great food for thought. As the author states upfront, the book aims to provide that “... small prod or a friendly whack”.

A detour. I actually didn’t intend to read this book. I wanted to find his other book “Permission Marketing” in the library. The library database showed the book to be available but I couldn’t find it. This is SUCH a pain. It happened in IITM and it happens here and you cannot really blame anyone for it. I really think an advanced real time book tracking system could serve the purpose. A kind of a system where every book's physical location can be detected using the RFID maybe? Anyway, I took the book by the same author that I could find.

Each of these articles, small nuggets, so to speak, is quite provocative. Some of the articles brilliantly articulated passing thoughts I have had, but did not follow up. I know this sounds a bit... vague. Let me elaborate. One of the recurring problems I face when writing on the big bad world is the trap on making sweeping generalizations. I really have too little experience. Therefore, I am hesitant to make many assertions without data. But lots of things in this world cannot be captured by data. At best, we can derive measures of these, but if you go too much into the mathematics, you would spend all your time on the technique, missing out on the essence. Therefore, it is often reassuring to blog about these things under the borrowed umbrella of a guru or authority.

The "friendly whack" that I liked has to do with this article on Competence. (Would encourage you to go through it) The author defines what we call competence as the ability to solve problems in a predictable and reliable manner. By hiring/working with competent people you know what you will get and that provides security. However, the same desire to be competent, reliable and right can render the very same people ineffective in the highly fluid environment that business today is currently slipping into. (Remember all those “What are your strength and weaknesses?” questions and you write “Perfectionism is my strength blah blah ... But the same perfectionism is my enemy blah blah... This is exactly like that!)

It is fascinating to speculate on the psychological process at play here. By definition, disruptive thinking is that which upsets existing thinking by (i) Identifying changing market assumptions (ii) Tweaking existing ones (iii) Proving them wrong. However, when the idea first floats around, the typical response of the competent is to be plagued by doubts of “Was I wrong all along?” or "I could not have been wrong all along!" Now, clearly a person who has been deemed competent by society could not have been wrong all along. Therefore, in their minds this disruptive thinking is some fancy piece of jugglery and they oppose it. Before you cluck your tongue and condemn people for their short-sighted behaviour we must realize that this phenomenon is as old as the hills. Our grandfathers thought they were cooler than their fathers and our fathers would have thought the same and I am sure we think the same. We just have a phrase for it viz. ‘disruptive thinking’ but it has been there for generations. To me, this is a complex problem in organizational behaviour simply because it is so subtle and most of the times you cannot even prove that market assumptions are changing/wrong.

When there is a development that is changing the industry, it will rarely announce itself. (The Nano is a ready exception that comes to the mind) Also, organizations will always prefer hiring competent people as their output is more reliable. And we saw earlier, there is simply too much cost of being wrong for competent people.

If competent people are a problem in the face of disruptive thinking, then what is the way out? Hire incompetent people? This is where one must understand the term incompetent as defined by the author. Seth Godin defines incompetence here to mean people “... who have the option to be competent but choose to be different.” Incompetence does NOT mean incapable. He further argues that Bob Dylan would be an incompetent musician by his definition simply because his output is unreliable. “From year to year, from concert to concert, there’s just no way to be sure that he’ll deliver exactly what you’re expecting”.

This is a very crucial assertion that one has to bear in mind. The problem is that educational systems reward competence, while rarely recognizing incompetence, and sometimes being harsh on it. I am sure all of us have taken the easy way out in many things simply because there is no reward for being different in normal coursework. The system rewards you to read the professor’s notes and look at old papers and try to work out the psychology of the examiner. Then you pass out with a seal that says you are more competent than the guy in the next seat. This system also creates a value system that perpetuates itself. Let us look into that in detail.

In the title I have used the phrase “Increasing” because the more you think and read about real life problems and real life successes, you are struck by the irrelevance of much of what you learn. Most of that which is taught is highly idealized, involves learning some content and getting it right after practice. However, we seem to be moving to a fast environment in which you may not have time to get stuff right by practice. By the time a technology has been perfected, it could become obsolete. This kind of training emphasizes the importance of hard work. However, I believe that we will soon move to another era when hard work will no longer be a differentiating factor. Nowadays people are willing to work hard if you dangle the right carrots. You can work for 12 hours, big deal; I can find thousand others in India who will work longer and so on and so forth. In the face of disruptive thinking, all the hard work and all the competence are of little use. I believe that working hard for its sake because you get a kick out of boasting about it, can hamper your creativity. To quote Seth, “Give me five serially incompetent nine-to-five executives with a focus on velocity, and I can change the world – over and over again.”

You can accuse me of crying wolf. Do I think the current situation in India is that disruptive? No way. Do I have a personal interest in saying this? Absolutely. I don’t like this mindless completion and in fact, hope that Seth Godin’s quote on the 9-5 company is true. To be fair, this blog borrows from a blog that is entirely derived on American experience. However, my personal bet/belief is that within a couple of decades the Indian context will get there. So what is the way out? You don’t have to do anything actually. Since educational systems do not explicitly appear to reward such thinking, the only option is for the individuals to realize that such a thing exists. A warning: One must also not take this as an excuse for failure. It reflects my own belief that in the real world, the best attitude is: Once you have achieved a certain standard, the best thing is to do something that you enjoy/have fun and in the process you may win some and lose some, but that is okay. I think one can call it the “Richard Branson Approach to Management”. :)

Prisoner of Dilemmas - The Poem

(Should have ideally written this poem with this post)

It is the start of a new term
Despite all the resolutions firm
I know how it is gonna go
It is the same ol’ story, same bore

The new term always dawns bright,
‘Cos first month doesn’t require fight.
Then the tests and submissions start
The enthu drops by a quite a lot.

Why the bother, why the care,
Why all this hoopla on being fair.
Just give me a random number please,
Hey, I just want to lead a life of peace.

Oh yes, they have done it cleverly,
Just so you don’t give up easily,
Just in case, you don’t give a damn for CG,
You are caught by the balls because of RG.

In the Background a voice whispers

He is a Prisoner of Dilemma, Stuck in the rat race
Could have opted out but chose to save face

I don’t mind working hard, thinking deep,
Just do not spoil my beauty sleep.
It is like getting hammered again and again,
After a point, must learn to enjoy the pain.

Welcome to the Machine, Step This Way,
You should have thought hard, now pay.
Look at that sedative, the old textbook,
Haha sucker - you are never off the hook.

He is a Prisoner of Dilemma, Stuck in the rat race
Could have opted out but chose to save face

I know, I know. I have been cribbing too much in the past few posts. But they were mostly "Staying in" posts. It is like I suddenly lost my enthusiasm to blog. So just made a few posts to stay in the game. But seriously, feeling stuck in a rut. The rut of being in highly competitive systems that measure intelligence through examinations. (Are there any other?) Please God, I have done that enough! I still like the adulation of "winning something" and I don't mind working in projects and actually enjoy those that I choose to do. But I think I would like a different kind of challenge. What is it? How will it come? No idea. Guess I need to create my own challenge. Until then, Boredom and Restlessness. Boring: "Having been there, done that. Played the game till now by the rules and it is so boring. Now What." Restlessness: I feel I can be doing better things, painting a broader canvas than going through this mindless monotony. Whatever... I feel strangely divorced from my environment. It is like... watching people act out a play. Interesting in spurts.

Confessions

For ahem... health reasons, I had a very dry New Year this year. Just as well, given the risks associated with celebrating. While listening to my booze collection (which I will come to shortly), I was thinking why I like to worship Lord Bacchus so much? (Yes...I am a sissy and that final shred of muddled middle class morality prevents me from referring directly and instead I resort to the use of "clever" literary allusions. Peace.)

It was one of those thoughts that just tend to visit you, a passing thought that intrudes and finally takes up all your thought process. You see the fact is, I enjoy the "boozing up" process tremendously. For me it goes in three stages:

Stage 1: The happy feeling where you are not actually drunk, but the inhibition is lowered. Quite interesting when you think that inhibition is such an abstract quality. How does a physical stimulus like alcohol affect this abstract quality? I know I know, you are going to give the drivel on everything being a nerve impulse but seriously... doesn't it seem awesome and cool beyond logic?

Stage 2: Then you get to the stage where you can see consciousness slipping away from you. You feel light in the head. Then comes an almost bird-like feeling. Wish I could fly!

Stage 3: The third and final stage, the holy stage, the pinnacle is my quest. At this stage, the enjoyment is definitely psychological. You see I have a confession to make. I have a love-hate relationship with Mr. Rationality. You see, I don't particularly like Mr. Rationality. I don't like him, what with his orders, his insistence on method, system and protocol. I don't like being self conscious and following rules set by someone else, but I do it because Mr. Rationality tells me to. Frankly, Mr.Rationality is a prick I would love to live without. But the other undeniable truth is that I am afraid, nay mortally, morbidly scared of living without Mr.Rationality. For all my bluster, I wouldn't know what to do without his tyranny. Therefore, every time I go to stage 3, (which is just before Stage 4 aka vomitting), I get this fleeting momentary victory over Mr. Rationality. It is like, "I have dodged you, ya prick. I am at the very Cliff of Logic. Now I shall peer into the depths of the Sea of Irrationality. I have the Anchor of Alcohol to save me, so what's the worst that can happen..."

What I have laid out in the previous paragraph is another of life's dualities that irritates me to no end. Often the most enjoyable thought processes are those that are unstructured and uncontrolled. Yet, these very same are often the most unproductive.

Unfortunately. getting to Stage 3 is not easy for me. Some thing about capacity. Blah! It is commonly and quite mistakenly believed that having a high alcohol threshold is good or its manly or something. Blah again! As it is rightly said in some Holy Book, "Blesseth is he who hath to just drink one or two beers to getteth high. The rest useth their MasterCard".

Anyway, here is a list of my favourite booze songs, in no particular order. I love 'em all equally. :P You can see these songs on YouTube. (Was this information helpful? - MSOffice style)

Doors

1. Whiskey Song
This one song does stuff to my head always. The way it has been sung gives the impression that Jim Morrison was singing it while he was at the Cliff of Logic. With him you can never say actually. Just show me the way...

2. Roadhouse Blues
3. Riders on the Storm
4. Break On Through
5. Light My Fire

Eagles

1. Hotel California
Need I say anything?

2. Witchy Woman
3. Bitter Creek
4. Doolin' Dalton
5. Take the Devil

RHCP

1. Californication
Has to be in there somewhere I guess.

2. Can't Stop
3. Dani California
4. The Otherside

Other bands

1. Rock You Like a Hurricane by Scorpions

2. Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd
(I actually know nothing about this band. Just googled this song after hearing it at some place. But strongly recommended.)

3. Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple

4. Born to be Wild by Steppenwolf

5. Chopsuey by System of a Down

6. In the End by Linkin Park

7. This is How You Remind Me by NickelBack

8. Lemon Tree by Fool's Garden

9. We Will Rock You by Queens
Hmm... that is two "rock you" songs. Not good.

10. Du Hast by Rammstein

11. Engel by Rammstein
Engel is way higher than Du Hast for me.

12. Sex Bomb by Tom Jones
Tom Jones has a very different voice. Worth a dekko, if you haven't seen it before.

Disclaimers are long due I guess. This is just my list. As you would have figured out by now, I don't have a great knowledge of music. Just a collection of stuff I have heard from many places that seemed to strike a chord. I am sure Pink Floyd is conspicuous with its absence. I really like the videos but don't know, I have never required Pink Floyd in my playlist. Though there was this one time when I heard "Live at Pompeii" at a bar and it was totally mind blowing, what with the high wattage stereo and stuff.

Also have not talked about my tam booze songs. When I thought about them, a lot of those songs are proper melodies. Nowhere close to the metal of the songs above. I think I will skip that because most readers will not be able to identify with a lot of the songs as booze songs.
(For example, "Azhagiya Theeyey" from Minnale and "Kadhal Sadugudu" from Alaipayuthey figure very high. I am sure you don't want to know more :))

Do comment with your favourites :)